Archive for Letters Unsent

Papa, Happy Birthday!

I miss you so much.

I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!

Please, please,please be happy!

If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again

I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

To my mom

Dear mom,

I am very sorry for being such a clumsy and careless child.

I am not the daughter you deserve. I pray and wish that in our next lives you won’t have a daughter like me.

I’m sorry for the times that I have disobeyed you. I’m sorry for the times that I have been disrespectful. I am sorry for the  times that I have made you cry. I’m sorry for the times that I wish you were not my mother.

I don’t want to hurt yo. I don’t want to make you mad nor sad. I want to see you happy. I want to make you happy and proud, but every time I try, I fail.

I really hate myself when I know that I have done something wrong that could make you sad or mad. Like this time, I have lost two of my belongings which you have given me. I hate myself for being so careless. I hate my self for being not able to keep the things you have given me. I hate myself for I know, I do not deserve you. I do not deserve the love and care you have given me.

Mom, I’m sorry for the times that you feel like I don’t value the things you give me because I usually lose them or I end up breaking them. I didn’t want to lose them or break them. I really hate my self when these things happen. I really appreciate everything you have given and done for me. I really do, and losing such them really tears my heart.

I really want to become the daughter you deserve. Someone you can be proud of. Someone who is not careless. Someone who is not forgetful. Someone who is not like me.

But I am very thankful that you are my mom. I am very thankful that although I do not deserve you, God still gave me the chance to have a mom like you who loves me more than anything in this world. I find it hard to express my feelings and my love for you. Usually, I would end up being disrespectful, because I don’t know how I should say things. Instead of showing you my love, I end up hurting you.

Mom, I’m really sorry.

Mom, I love you so much.

Today is Sunday

Today is Sunday. Today we celebrate father’s day.

I did not get to greet any one “Happy Father’s Day.” I thought about greeting our neighbors but the words won’t come out. Thinking about it makes me feel really bad.

How I long to say those words again. It has been 10 years since I said those words. More years will be added, as long as I live.

Hey Papa, you know, I miss you so much. There has never been a day that I never thought of you. Many things remind me of you. At school or at home, everywhere, everything has something to remind me of you.

Do you miss me too?

I heard someone sing the song “Dance with my Father”. It’s the 2nd time that I ever heard the song.  It made me cry. But I didn’t let anyone see me cry.

But papa, I am really worried. I can’t seem to remember your voice anymore?

Even though how hard I try I just can’t seem to remember?

I want to hear your lullabye. I really want to.

If I promise to be good, do you think God will let me hear it again even for the last time?

If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never ever end
Cause I’d love love love to dance with my father again

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